Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
