They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
