You're my little dorito
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
