Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize