oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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