If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
