Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
