He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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