I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
