Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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