Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
