You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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