imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
