this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
time to smoke my breakfast
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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