I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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