I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
