so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
