We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
