so that wasnt chicken after all
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize