Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
