I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
