I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
