you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
