dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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