HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
