i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
