I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
