If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
