***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Randomize
