Tell her she can't have a vagina
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
