A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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