He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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