Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
