Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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