I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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