Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
