Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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