Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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