I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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