if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
