Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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