I CAN MOONWALK!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
