Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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