He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it was like eating out sand paper
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
