Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
