Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
