Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
