You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
