I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
