wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
