I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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