I wish they made helmets for livers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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