Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Girls should come with a carfax report
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
