So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
