she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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