So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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