i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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