Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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