Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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