got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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