your thong is hanging out like whoa
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
