Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
