so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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