She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
