That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
