my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
