why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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