I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
