We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize