so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the condom got lost in my hair
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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