He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
