I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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