thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
