You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
