I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
