How'd it feel making her break her religion?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
