She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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